Please join me for an evening chat about what it means to “build” a relationship, especially with our children. I will guide you through my new age perspective on an age old issue. The top five things the audience will learn:
- How to expand your tolerance
- Ways to manage a demanding child
- The relevance of personal behavior
- Core strategies to creating direct communication
- Basic steps to begin building a quality and meaningful relationship
Looking forward to seeing you there!
Who: Open to the Public, $12 registration fee
When: February 22nd @ 7:00pm
Where: New Renaissance Bookstore, 1338 NW 23rd Ave, Portland, Oregon 97210
Valentine’s Day is the second most celebrated holiday in the world. Over 200 million cards and digital versions will be sent this year. What’s all the fuss? I have always been a willing participant in the holiday but not sure if it is simply that I am caught in the wave or like the idea of celebrating my closer, more loving connections. I guess either way it’s probably a good thing. A day devoted to thinking and doing for those for whom we have a special affection can only be good.
I have often stated that, “Relationships are built, they don’t just happen”. Valentines Day is a pretty good spot in that relationship road building where we can upgrade our commitment to someone. It doesn’t take too much usually, but probably something more than a card or a digital message.
Everybody likes to be thought of, and often. So we start there. We think of the person. We think what he/she likes, what we know about them and what makes them laugh. Most likely something in those thoughts can then be materialized. We can find a restaurant that makes their favorite foods, an event playing their favorite music, and/or a place that represents something that pulled you together in the first place. This is not rocket science but it does take some effort and some care.
My wife and I trade off each year with the other creating the experience. I begin looking for signs early, like right after Christmas, because we have just been through a concentrated period of ascertaining a lot of wants. I remember once buying a Valentine’s Day card in the summer because it was just so perfect. The trick for me was to remember where I put it when I needed it 6 months later! I have finally learned and now have a secret ‘stash’ of stuff I collect and I can pull out for occasions like Valentine’s Day.
Again, it is definitely not the card, it is the thought. The card or gift is symbolic, but it also must relate to the event. St. Valentine was sending his ‘love of his life’ a farewell card and signed it, Your Valentine, and it stuck! Eighteen centuries ago this thing started. There must be something pretty good about it to last so long and to still be a significant part of our cultural fabric. So we can embrace this simple but poignant non-legal holiday and use it to focus some true and meaningful thoughts about any and all the people in our lives.
Yep, it may seem a bit silly to some but it is an annual exchange between over 200 million people all over the world so why not make the best of it and participate with genuine care and love. What’s the downside? Pick someone (or lots of someones!) and think of them.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Open to the Public, $12 registration fee
February 22nd @ 7:00pm
New Renaissance Bookstore, 1338 NW 23rd Ave, Portland, Oregon 97210
In the mid-1980s, Scott was a single father committed to raising his energetic young boys while managing a career as a building contractor and a spiritual practitioner, using meditation to stay grounded. To help process the often overwhelming crash course he was on as a parent, he began recording thoughts about his kids on a simple voice recorder kept in his truck. Those reflections ultimately evolved into his tale of fatherhood and developed into the book, The Dad Connection. Scott found that his parenting style often contradicted famed parenting experts. He believes that most relationships can deepen and grow more meaningful when approached with a specific intent to build something great. During this event Scott Hanley will be talking about what it means to “build” a relationship, especially with our children.
Continued from last week’s discussion on settling as a mediocre parent versus becoming a great parent.
I heard a TED talk by a man who was speaking about what he learned from his experience with a near fatal airplane crash. It was a relatively short talk for TED but impactful. In summary this very successful businessman said he learned, as his plane was minutes from crashing into the water, that he wanted to finish his bucket list; to be nicer to people, to love his family and friends more, and to fix his messes with loved ones. To his surprise in those brief moments another priority rose to the surface of what he believed to be his last thoughts. It was be a great dad, all else second. Why was taking care of his children all of a sudden the single most important thing? He didn’t give a reason he just said it had risen to the top of his life’s priorities.
How many times have we heard someone say “I wish I had spent more time with my kids” or “I hope I will be a better grandparent than I was a parent”? Perhaps you’ve even heard, “I wish I knew then what I know now, I would have been a better dad”. It goes on and on. The point is, we don’t have to wait until we are too old to have more kids, or after we have succeeded in accomplishing a successful material life, or after a near death experience.
It is in our genetic nature to care, we just have to let our natural instincts work and commit. Although this is not easy in our competitive culture, we must remove the layers of worry, fear, and apprehension, and connect to the basic and nature of our core life process- to care for our offspring. It is our first responsibility. So it is not enough to be the best dad you can be, it is simply to be the best dad period. Read, look, feel and commit. Life can be long or life can be short.