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New Interview: Passport to Parenting

9 Apr


Several weeks ago I had the opportunity to meet with Kim DeMarchi and Ann DeWitt of Passport To Parenting and tape a live show on my book, The Dad Connection. Not only did I have a wonderful time meeting with both of them, but it’s always special when you find that someones parenting values align with your own.

Please listen as the ladies at Passport to Parenting and I discuss:

  • Three rules I used when raising my boys
  • The most important thing you can do as a parent
  • The building the bridge metaphor from The Dad Connection
  • Advice for single parents
  • Our personal parenting inspirations
  • How to stay connected to your child, even in the tween years

CLICK HERE to hear our conversation and the full Passport to Parenting show on The Dad Connection.


The Dad Connection: Book Review

20 Mar

book cover-01

Below I’ve included another book review of the Dad Connection that solidifies why I wrote a book in the first place. As always, I am very appreciative of the feedback and thought I would share this reader’s experience with you:

“At first, I thought this book might be too “touchy-feely,” for my taste, but I was pleasantly surprised. For one thing, Mr. Hanley starts with the proper objective for parenting: Helping to foster independent and self-actualized children. He understands that it isn’t a matter of controlling your children and monitoring their every move. It’s about respecting them enough to give them guidance and letting them take responsibility for their actions and their outcomes, while protecting them from dire consequences.

The author has done a great job of setting forth an understandable system for raising children, and I especially appreciated the fact that his own boys contributed insights into the process from their perspective as both children and adults. This isn’t a book of rules for parenting. It is an explanation of fundamental concepts that can be applied to your personal situation. The world would be a better place if more fathers took the time to be a Dad.”

– D. Buxman, Attorney and Amazon Top 1000 Reviewer.

Trust in Your Learning

6 Mar


This past weekday was my birthday. It is a rather old one, at least relatively speaking, and it got me to thinking that there are many old sage sayings like, “The more I know the less I understand” or “The more we learn, the more there is to learn”, and on and on. I don’t exactly see how that is possible. My experience is that I do, in fact, know more than I did last year. I‘ve had new experiences this year, and I have built stronger relationships with old friends and began new ones.

Does this give me more knowledge? Maybe. Does this make me wiser? Maybe. Does this increase my understanding? Maybe. I think the more relevant issue here is not what we don’t know, but what we do know. It has to be more, it just has to.

For instance if we explore a new possibility, say rock climbing, then we will surely be exposed a considerable amount of information to which we had no previous knowledge, knots, arm strength, fear, terminology and so on. Some of these become immediate new learnings and understandings which should add to our overall life knowledge. Some of these might even change our perception on specific things. And some may even compel us to make a life change. It’s most likely that new experiences like rock climbing will, at the very least, broaden our life understanding and provide us with more insight and understanding than we had had previously. Doesn’t this surely make us wiser? It should.

The only reason I can think of why it wouldn’t add to our ‘wisdom’ is that unfortunately, we also become aware of all that we might not know. What we do not know about knots and about arm strength and even our fears. What we don’t know and the fear (that often follows) should not block the wonder of what we do know, although this a commonly shared response for many of us.

Embracing our coming years with expectation that our knowledge will invariably grow is part of our responsibility as an adult. I believe we are built to learn. It is one of the strongest forces in our survival mechanism. We learn more and we pass on the knowledge, focusing on how much we don’t know is not helpful. We do in fact often get information that opens us to our ignorance, but if it is balanced by what we know and just learned it should be greater than our ignorance. That’s the idea. We may have to set aside any fear the new information exposes and let what we learn as we age stand alone. It is a great gift to our children and younger people. I believe we can and should trust in our learning, not fear what we do not know.

Don’t Miss Seeing Author Scott Hanley This Friday!

20 Feb

Please join me for an evening chat about what it means to “build” a relationship, especially with our children. I will guide you through my new age perspective on an age old issue. The top five things the audience will learn:

  1. How to expand your tolerance
  2. Ways to manage a demanding child
  3. The relevance of personal behavior
  4. Core strategies to creating direct communication
  5. Basic steps to begin building a quality and meaningful relationship

Looking forward to seeing you there!

Who: Open to the Public, $12 registration fee
When: February 22nd @ 7:00pm
Where: New Renaissance Bookstore, 1338 NW 23rd Ave, Portland, Oregon 97210

Behind Valentine’s Day

14 Feb

Valentine’s Day is the second most celebrated holiday in the world. Over 200 million cards and digital versions will be sent this year. What’s all the fuss? I have always been a willing participant in the holiday but not sure if it is simply that I am caught in the wave or like the idea of celebrating my closer, more loving connections. I guess either way it’s probably a good thing. A day devoted to thinking and doing for those for whom we have a special affection can only be good.

I have often stated that, “Relationships are built, they don’t just happen”. Valentines Day is a pretty good spot in that relationship road building where we can upgrade our commitment to someone. It doesn’t take too much usually, but probably something more than a card or a digital message.

Everybody likes to be thought of, and often. So we start there. We think of the person. We think what he/she likes, what we know about them and what makes them laugh. Most likely something in those thoughts can then be materialized. We can find a restaurant that makes their favorite foods, an event playing their favorite music, and/or a place that represents something that pulled you together in the first place. This is not rocket science but it does take some effort and some care.

My wife and I trade off each year with the other creating the experience. I begin looking for signs early, like right after Christmas, because we have just been through a concentrated period of ascertaining a lot of wants. I remember once buying a Valentine’s Day card in the summer because it was just so perfect. The trick for me was to remember where I put it when I needed it 6 months later! I have finally learned and now have a secret ‘stash’ of stuff I collect and I can pull out for occasions like Valentine’s Day.

Again, it is definitely not the card, it is the thought. The card or gift is symbolic, but it also must relate to the event. St. Valentine was sending his ‘love of his life’ a farewell card and signed it, Your Valentine, and it stuck! Eighteen centuries ago this thing started. There must be something pretty good about it to last so long and to still be a significant part of our cultural fabric. So we can embrace this simple but poignant non-legal holiday and use it to focus some true and meaningful thoughts about any and all the people in our lives.

Yep, it may seem a bit silly to some but it is an annual exchange between over 200 million people all over the world so why not make the best of it and participate with genuine care and love. What’s the downside? Pick someone (or lots of someones!) and think of them.

Happy Valentine’s Day.