The Dad Connection: An Excerpt

11 Oct

In preparation for the publishing of my book in the upcoming month, I will be posting weekly short excerpts. I hope you enjoy this sneak peek- and if you’re interested in pre-ordering, sign up to receive our emails at the top of this page, right side. Many thanks to all you great supporters out there.

The Dad Connection

When considering the value of my important personal relationships, one constant holds true: the deepest relationships didn’t just happen; they were built. I have discovered, in great part through my experience with my boys, that profound relationships are built upon a foundation of trust and support that originates from a core desire. This type of trust and support must be consciously built into the relationship and is most effective when it is based on a sense of care for the other person. Of course, this usually comes more naturally with our children, which is why building this type of connection or bridge with them can teach us how to build quality relationships with anybody which we care about.

One of the two parties in any valued relationship must take the initiative to form and support this type of connection by temporarily suspending his or her personal interests and focusing on two more important efforts. Our efforts to understand the ‘why’ and the ‘how’ can easily distract us from doing the simple work of apologizing, expressing support and moving forward. In many cases, trying to ‘get to the bottom’ of an issue may add significantly more tension sometimes; though we must dig to the bottom in order to establish truth. Keeping it as simple as possible is a good rule. Trust does not necessarily eliminate tension or anxiety, but it allows the parties to acknowledge and address the tension without the stress or fear that would otherwise surface.

The expression and active engagement of trust can effectively disconnect the ‘heavy’ part of the tension from an event, allowing a sense of positive energy to flow into the relationship and convert some, if not most, of the worry and fear to excitement and possibly even joy. I was able to build another block of trust into my relationship with Ian at the quarry, but first I had to help him release some of his own fear and anxiety. It is important not to misconstrue our efforts to help diminish tension, fears, and anxieties with avoidance of conflict. If we are dealing with out children such as Ian’s diving anxiety then we should be very careful and conscious in our approach. If we are relating with an adult and especially a close and important relationship then relieving the tension may not be as important as discovering the truth and getting to clarity in order to continue building trust. This may indeed create initial tension pressure, but will strengthen love and hence trust.

Truth does this. Literally.

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