Overpowering Control Can Ruin Relationships

26 Apr

Last week we discussed how  control takes precedence over care in parent-child relationships.

The attributes of care (nourishment) are no competition for the sheer power of the force of control…at least in the short term. However, once our bright children determine that they will not be controlled, the power of control diminishes rapidly and permanently.

Often parents realize this much too late and have to play catch up, which is almost never successful. Arguments, fighting and tension are common interactions as the parent attempts, in vain, to retain control. It gets worse as the child gathers more strength to resist. Eventually the child almost always wins the battle. Emotional and psychological separation is the typical result, and years go by before relationships stabilize and sometimes they never regain the sweetness in which they began.

This is not the case for every family and every parent/child relationship but it happens frequently. There are many reasons why parents adopt the need to ‘control’ so readily but the most dominate is modeled behavior from their parents and the parents of those parents. It is a difficult cycle to break. It takes a different understanding and a willingness to change.

We are all working against a strong flow of pattern and it will take a conscious effort to shift the pattern. It is quite possible (God willing) that much of the “new consciousness” will be about just such an endeavor.

Yes we can definitely build new-and-improved brains. But if we think we can gain more control of our brains we are just stretching our illusion. It’s not control that we should be building…it is capacity.

Do you have any ideas to break the pattern of control in a relationship? Please feel free to comment, your readership is so valuable to me.


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