8 Mar

The other day I was in a conversation with a person who found herself struggling in her three year old marriage.

We were discussing values and, in particular, shared values and their relevant importance in the relationship, which we both agreed was critical. These two beautiful people are young, vital and full of enthusiasm. They have recently settled in NYC, the land of opportunity, and are beginning to embark on their life together.

In this process of beginning to ‘structure’ and ‘’build’ their futures, the emotional enthusiasm that had been fueling the first few years of their marriage was being trumped by the more practical endeavor and sizable effort to carve out a working path in the world.

We have all been there and some of us are still there!

Although this young person believed there was still an abundance of romance, care and commitment in the relationship, she was becoming anxious and irritated by the seeming lack of accomplishment on their initial goals and expectations. And she was growing uncertain with regard to their shared values.

I thought about simply suggesting to her to lower her expectations with in the relationship, accepting the reality of their situation, and being patient.

However as I began to suggest these heavily and commonly used ‘advise packages,’ I had a change of thought and instead asked her what was the ‘awe’ factor in the relationship when it first began.

She paused only for a short period of time and named a few ,which were really fantastic and spot on.

I then asked her if those ‘awe’ factors were still in place.

(I hate to leave you on a cliffhanger, but the book publishing calls! More to come on Thursday!)


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