7 Jul

If we say “Hi” to our neighbor in the morning when we run into him or her, are we connecting? When we are sitting sharing some tea with a close friend listening to an important issue, are we connecting? If we respond to an email or text are we connecting?

Well…yes and no. Obviously there is a connection taking place and simply making an effort is important, but to have a relationship we need to invest. By invest I mean we need to put some energy, some thought, and some care into our ‘connection’. That can be as simple as ending the brief contact with a few words like “it was nice to run into you this morning”, telling them how much you enjoy having tea together, or finishing you email with ‘look forward to seeing you this weekend’.

But the caveat is that we have to mean it. The connection part of a relationship is the authenticity we put behind our comments. Authenticity is the ‘fastener’ to our connection. When we are building a wall, the 2 X 4‘s don’t connect and stay together with out some nails or screws. The 2×4’s shape and form the walls …the fasteners keep it together and allow us to build on it with out it falling down.

Our ‘connection’ doesn’t have to be serious or heavy or even long winded; but it does have to have some depth and some sincerity. The deeper the nail goes the stronger the connection.

That is on us.

We have to want to express ourselves in that manner and we have to find the words that reflect thoughts that say we ‘want to be connected’. It we are truly connecting, this will be relatively easy because there is naturalness about it. If we are unsure about our commitment to make contact, then the words and the meaning becomes a bit more difficult to find and hence won’t build anything substantial. Building anything further will be all but impossible. In the end, we want and need to have substantial relationships.

It is part of how are species is wired.  We have always been tribal and communal…this is perhaps the single element that separates us from other species. Our capacity to create ‘fasteners’ to each other is directly proportional to our success in having substantial and nourishing relationships.


One Response to “Connecting”

  1. robin July 9, 2010 at 5:39 am #

    nice stuff!

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