New Interview: Passport to Parenting

9 Apr

ScottHanley

Several weeks ago I had the opportunity to meet with Kim DeMarchi and Ann DeWitt of Passport To Parenting and tape a live show on my book, The Dad Connection. Not only did I have a wonderful time meeting with both of them, but it’s always special when you find that someones parenting values align with your own.

Please listen as the ladies at Passport to Parenting and I discuss:

  • Three rules I used when raising my boys
  • The most important thing you can do as a parent
  • The building the bridge metaphor from The Dad Connection
  • Advice for single parents
  • Our personal parenting inspirations
  • How to stay connected to your child, even in the tween years

CLICK HERE to hear our conversation and the full Passport to Parenting show on The Dad Connection.

New Reviews: The Dad Connection

27 Mar

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Below I’ve included three book reviews of the Dad Connection that solidify why I wrote a book in the first place. As always, I am very appreciative of the feedback and thought I would share this readers experience with you:

“The book is quite different from most parenting books I have read in that Mr. Hanley does not profess to be an expert on child psychology or child raising. What he brings to this book is a keen awareness of what was going on between him and his two boys. This book captures the memories and experiences between Mr. Hanley and his two boys from infants to young men.

This book presents some very basic truths about human relationships and how understanding and applying those truths to raising children will makes us better parents and give the children the foundation they need to learn and grow into productive, grounded adults. Highly recommended for anyone responsible for raising children.”

- John Chancellor, mentor coach and Amazon Top 500 Reviewer

“Having good, loving relationships with kids is not always an easy feat, but Scott Hanley has written a wonderful book full of great insight. He is a single parent who had to change his life to raise two boys. This book is helpful for any parent who would like to bridge the gap in their relationships with their children. The Dad Connection offers great advice, not just for Dads, to build relationships with kids and grow in order to provide love and respect. Enlightening and engaging, this is a great book from an author with first hand experience of the hardship and rewards of raising kids.”

- C. Irish, reading enthusiast and Amazon Top 1000 Reviewer

“It takes loving and caring parents to raise a child, families of the past knew that and practiced it. Psychologists,and the reams of other social experts and agencies today, unfortunately seem to think otherwise. When you listen to them, remember that Psychology is an Art, not a Science, and one solution does not fit all, nor is what’s believed today will continue to be accepted in the future.

Raising children is probably the greatest responsibility one can assume, there will be problems, successes and all the happiness that goes with it. However; the author assumed his responsibility, carried it out to the best of his ability and I commend him and his boys for what they accomplished. As Frank Sinatra so amply said,’I Did It My Way’.”

- J. Guild, retired engineer and Amazon Top 1000 Reviewer

The Dad Connection: Book Review

20 Mar

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Below I’ve included another book review of the Dad Connection that solidifies why I wrote a book in the first place. As always, I am very appreciative of the feedback and thought I would share this reader’s experience with you:

“At first, I thought this book might be too “touchy-feely,” for my taste, but I was pleasantly surprised. For one thing, Mr. Hanley starts with the proper objective for parenting: Helping to foster independent and self-actualized children. He understands that it isn’t a matter of controlling your children and monitoring their every move. It’s about respecting them enough to give them guidance and letting them take responsibility for their actions and their outcomes, while protecting them from dire consequences.

The author has done a great job of setting forth an understandable system for raising children, and I especially appreciated the fact that his own boys contributed insights into the process from their perspective as both children and adults. This isn’t a book of rules for parenting. It is an explanation of fundamental concepts that can be applied to your personal situation. The world would be a better place if more fathers took the time to be a Dad.”

- D. Buxman, Attorney and Amazon Top 1000 Reviewer.

The Dad Connection: Book Review

13 Mar

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Below I’ve included a book review of the Dad Connection that solidifies why I wrote a book in the first place. As always, I am very appreciative of the feedback and thought I would share this readers experience with you:

“The Dad Connection is a parental guidebook about connecting with children. It was written by a dad who feels it is necessary and important to build bridges between parent and child so that a child can always make his/her way back to the parent without feeling smothered or controlled in any way. These connections will lead to a stronger, more secure parent/child bond that will last a lifetime.

I have read a large number of self- help books over the years including several on parenting but this book is very different from most in several important ways. First, this book doesn’t preach at parents and it doesn’t try to claim that its solutions are the only one that will work. I get really annoyed by self-help books that make arrogant claims, recommending their method as the only viable, surefire means to a better life. This book is not like that at all. The author fully admits that there is no such thing as a perfect solution to parental concerns and even offers examples where he behaved in a way that was not conducive to the positive child/parent relationship he prescribes. Second, the book is written in a conversational way and it speaks in general terms. It doesn’t try to offer specific solutions to problems, but instead presents an outline on what to do if your goal is better communication and a stronger parent/child bond.

This book includes some good anecdotes and input from the author’s own two sons. Any self- help book can make grandiose claims, but with this book, the reliability of the methods it prescribes is validated by the people who would best know their effectiveness: The authors own sons. They share with the reader their experience with their dad and they stand firmly on his side for effective parenting. I know that some who read this book may feel the author is being too much of a friend and that stricter discipline is necessary. But what the book promotes isn’t quite like that and regardless of how one chooses to describe it, the author’s own successful, happy sons are proof that their dad did do something right.

The Dad Connection is very good at explaining some common sense ways to connect better with kids and I like how the book debunks some of the common parental methods, procedures, sayings, etc., like the ever- popular “because I said so” and others. The book shows why these common methods are doomed to fail but it doesn’t stop there- it goes on to offer some better, more reliable alternatives. These parts of the book could be a little sensitive for some readers because they directly address common myths/methods that are not very useful and that can even backfire. The book is respectful, but some readers may still not like being told they are wrong.

This book is very straightforward book and I cannot imagine that anyone would disagree that showing respect, exercising patience, showing love, being tolerant of different ideas, etc. are good traits and are likely to benefit all. However, changing one’s parenting style and implementing what the book recommends will not be easy for everyone because some of us are very stubborn and are convinced that what we do works, even when all evidence suggests it does not. But even the book’s author will admit that what worked for him isn’t foolproof and there is no guarantee it will work for everyone, every time. Again, I like the humility and lack of arrogance. There is no single, works-every-time solution to parenting and I admire that the author admits what should be an obvious fact.

Raising kids is no simple undertaking but it can be made a little easier with good advice from someone who has been there, done that, and knows what works and what doesn’t. This is a very good book about treating kids with respect and building a bridge between them and you that will last all the way to the grave. Its advice is good, its processes are simple enough for anyone to follow, and it can apply to any parent, mom or dad. Give its recommendations a try, and improve your relationship starting today.”

- Bryan Carey,  host at Monday Saving Parent and Amazon Top 1000 Reviewer.

Trust in Your Learning

6 Mar

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This past weekday was my birthday. It is a rather old one, at least relatively speaking, and it got me to thinking that there are many old sage sayings like, “The more I know the less I understand” or “The more we learn, the more there is to learn”, and on and on. I don’t exactly see how that is possible. My experience is that I do, in fact, know more than I did last year. I‘ve had new experiences this year, and I have built stronger relationships with old friends and began new ones.

Does this give me more knowledge? Maybe. Does this make me wiser? Maybe. Does this increase my understanding? Maybe. I think the more relevant issue here is not what we don’t know, but what we do know. It has to be more, it just has to.

For instance if we explore a new possibility, say rock climbing, then we will surely be exposed a considerable amount of information to which we had no previous knowledge, knots, arm strength, fear, terminology and so on. Some of these become immediate new learnings and understandings which should add to our overall life knowledge. Some of these might even change our perception on specific things. And some may even compel us to make a life change. It’s most likely that new experiences like rock climbing will, at the very least, broaden our life understanding and provide us with more insight and understanding than we had had previously. Doesn’t this surely make us wiser? It should.

The only reason I can think of why it wouldn’t add to our ‘wisdom’ is that unfortunately, we also become aware of all that we might not know. What we do not know about knots and about arm strength and even our fears. What we don’t know and the fear (that often follows) should not block the wonder of what we do know, although this a commonly shared response for many of us.

Embracing our coming years with expectation that our knowledge will invariably grow is part of our responsibility as an adult. I believe we are built to learn. It is one of the strongest forces in our survival mechanism. We learn more and we pass on the knowledge, focusing on how much we don’t know is not helpful. We do in fact often get information that opens us to our ignorance, but if it is balanced by what we know and just learned it should be greater than our ignorance. That’s the idea. We may have to set aside any fear the new information exposes and let what we learn as we age stand alone. It is a great gift to our children and younger people. I believe we can and should trust in our learning, not fear what we do not know.

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